Monday, July 26, 2010

Your approved!

Out on the highway we saw a big sign over a used car lot.   It said "Your approved."   Now let's not be snobby but come on, that is just wrong.   The word "your" and the "you're" are different words.   "Your" is an adjective that describes something relating to you. "You'reis a contraction of "you" and "are."   It is not that complicated.   I think that a sign printer should at least have a grammar checker on a laptop or a basic working knowledge of our language.

And... how about all the other stupid stuff in our language.   It seems that a lot of it is creeping into general usage.  Some of it works and some of it sounds weird.   The overhead announcement at Wally World said "Wearing our jeans, you will be representing." Uh, representing what?  That was it, just "representing."  What is that?   Since when does the Colonel "do" chicken?   "Do" as a verb meant something else in starting the 60's.   "Virtual" had another, different meaning too but I don't remember what it was.   "Actually" is now all over the place.   The guys on "This Old House" use it in every other sentence.  "Soul Patch" is pretty unusual.  My dad had a different word for that little beard right beneath your lip.  If anybody uses "axe" in place of "ask" I either hang up or turn away.   I am afraid to type more about that, it may be illegal.  "Unibrow" is discriptive.  "Ba dunk a dunk" seems to be a long way to go for "butt."  I like "application"  but using "yo" at the end of a sentence, not so much.    More incidences of "or", "our" and "are" transpositions have begun to show up.  Nobody seems to know how to spell on any internet forum.   The word "definitely gets butchered all the time.   "Too", "two" and "to" is also often abused.

Our library here in town featured an opportunity to have your photo taken and travel document application printed for free.  Somebody had removed the letter "p" and differently spaced their marquee sign.   It now read "ass port night, we take photos."  Yesterday I was in a men's room and saw that somebody had altered an obscenity written on the wall.   We are in Amish Country so it shouldn't have been too surprising.  They had carefully converted the word "F**K" to "BOOK."   How about that?

Let's not even discuss prepositions.   They are bad things to end sentences with.

We can skip apostrophe abuse too.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Pirate, caught me they did.

My Internet Service Provider sent me a letter yesterday.   It seems that they are in communication with FOX Searchlight Films.   I have been busted attempting to download the movie "Avatar." This action has apparently   caused an international reaction. 

I did follow a link like...    THIS.  

My feeble attempt at using a subterfuge of technology was futile.   I did get a bunch of files and some kind of information but it wasn't Avatar.  I wanted it to be Avatar but no, it would not play.  Like in the movie "The Fly" where Jeff Goldblum was all over the place, Avatar was too.   So I just forgot all about it.   

But that big giant iMac didn't forget about it.  It ratted me out.  That must be why the screen comes to life in the middle of the night.  Some Steve Jobs software fingered your friend and humble narrator.  It let them know I am a (attempted) Pirate. The built in camera is pointing directly toward the bathroom I use! It led them right to our little town.  File sharing!  And 3:45 am peeing!  They have a FBI task force for it now you know (not peeing).   Oh the shame, disgrace (file sharing).

On the news the other day they showed a couple who were Russian Spies!   They had been here for like 20 years, living, breeding and spying on all of us.  Did they leave their spy ISP addy on a server someplace too?  Do they have to get up in the middle of the night to take a squirt?  FOX nailed them too I bet.   How about Bin Laden?   I bet he surfs the net and downloads lots of camel pictures or something.   He has bad kidneys right?   He must pee like a race camel all over the place.  They could probably just follow his DNA in the sewer and find him.  Where is a real life CSI counterpart?   Go get him (Bin Laden).  

Oh hell, can Terrorists read this? It's okay, as a Pirate,  Ready for them I am.  Closing the bathroom door I will be.