Monday, September 13, 2010

Assateague Island

We finally made it back to Assateague.  The bugs weren't too bad at all.  Our friends arrived shortly after we got there.   After a nice night we were up and at the beach early.  After a perfect sunny day we all decided to head for dinner and a walk on the O.C. MD boards.  The next day we watched a couple set up a brand new, teeny tiny pop up.   

The rangers were very specific during the check in process at the campground office.   No booze at all (except in a motorhome) or coolers outside.   They also had prominently displayed on the bulletin board in the office, horrifying photos of several little girls with sweet pink ribbons in their hair.  The girls had been bitten by horses.   Each horse tooth mark was dripping blood.   It is amazing how well horse bites show up on the freshly sunburned skin of a 12 year old girl.   

Several snapshots in full color were also posted of a horse, dead or dying.   He had been hit by a car.   Very strange how only the whites of a horse eye showed after being clobbered to death by an automobile.   Posted directly next to each other the photos are otherwise unrelated.  The mother of the kids who were brutally attacked did not run down the pony.   The volunteers actually seemed surprised at the question.  "What?"  I needed to repeat.  "Is this the horse that bit these girls?"   I pointed at the carcass of the two tone animal.  He needed an X in the pupils to look more bizarre.

On the third day we saw 3 horses across the street, at the tiny pop up site .  The horse trio was a burglary crew.   One just ate grass and distracted the people.  While the other one opened coolers and feasted on the contents.   The third watched out for Mr. Ranger.

The owners of the pop up were going berserk.   The guy went into the camper and tried to scare off the horses.   The dude somehow felt protected by a gossamer layer of nylon mesh screening.   He rattled, waved and shouted at the marauders without effect.

The horse spotted the cooler and went to town.

Dude was freaking!  So was the lady.

He sent her to get the car and run down the four legged beast.

He indicated for her to gun the motor and smash that foul demon from hell.   That is appropriate punishment for licking ice and munching a few carrots out of a cooler.

They finally moved away, mission accomplished!
Thank goodness for the mechanized infantry.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

So What!

Burn the Koran!   Whatever you do, don't offend the poor peaceful Muslims.   They are protected under the law for some reason or the other.   Let's be totally politically correct here.

Maybe they are actually really nice people.  Kind to women and children and tolerant of all nationalities and other religions.  That punishment of 90 lashes and stoning is very fine for a woman who has shown her face in public.  The bitch asked for it.   Don't you agree that we should protect the muslims, allow them to burn symbols of the USA and encourage freedom of expression?

This is the kind of advertising that was prevalent during WWII.   We are fighting a war right?   The enemy is "Them" right?  So what if we offend somebody.   We should be killing them, with kindness maybe?  Not.  FTW.

This is America.  We are the most powerful country in the world. Ever.  We are allowed to offend anybody we want to.  We can take over countries and give them back.  We shouldn't get pushed around.  Go ahead and burn any symbol you want, you are an American.  Burning draft cards was a temporary sensation.   The bra burning thing was great too.   They burned all kinds of books and even set fire to all those ugly witches in Massachusetts.  Personally I am totally relieved that epidemic was stopped in it's tracks before those nasty Salem Witches could take off and start breeding all over the place.

We should stop acting like such pussies right away.  All we need to do is blow the living daylights out of any location we even suspect may be harboring terrorists, rebels or whatever.   The people running away from the bad guys would be a dead give away.  They know that we won't blow up a school.   That becomes a good place to use as headquarters.  Bullshit.  Reagan parked an aircraft carrier offshore and dropped a few bombs in Omar Kadafi's back yard.   That shut him up for 25 years.   That kind of negotiating works.

I know how to win this war;   Build a great big electric plant.  Start broadcasting TV, hook all the kids up to Wii and iPods.  Park everybody in front of a great big TV set and turn on Real World, Jersey Shore and Gerry Springer.   Crank up the air in the homes and make it intolerable to go outside.  Fill the youth of that country with sugary drinks, carbohydrates and give away free cigarettes.  Be aware of all the pictures you see from the middle east.   No wonder these people are angry.   Of course they are pissed off, they live in terrible conditions!  Dust all over the place, no ice, definitely no martinis and you can probably forget all about limes  or olives.   How about a supermarket, nice cool shower and a FEMA trailer from Louisiana left over from Katrina? 

Supply them with Ramen noodles, Easy Mac and white bread.  They NEED McDonalds too.  How about some plumbing?   They would go for an actual toilet upon which they could sit.  A few Corvettes spread out to the natives who become narcs wouldn't hurt either.   After a few months of advertising we could escalate to total warfare.   Bring in NASCAR, Coors light and maybe a golf course here and there.  Pick up the trash, bulldoze the hovels we see on TV.

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.